see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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