I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
