Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
