OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
