It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
