what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just invented taco cereal.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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