woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
