I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
