Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
