I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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