If that was your dad, he is hot
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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