doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
