he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
