we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I look better un-naked...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
