nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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