just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
