i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
