whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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