Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How's work?
Spinning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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