Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
