so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
