as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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