Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
