It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
