Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
