U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
