Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
