FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
