Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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