The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
