Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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