Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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