I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
