Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
