HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
