I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
