lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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