My nipple is on Facebook.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
