so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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