omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's the barista slut.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
