I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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