You're completely useless in the revolution.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
