He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
