then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
