2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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