Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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