I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
