what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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