I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
