I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
