the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
